I am a wife and mother to seven kids. Two of them by birth and five through marriage to my husband Daniel. They range in age from 10 to 21, attend a total of 4 different school districts in two states, and are very active in sports. To say they keep us busy would be an understatement! After God, my husband and kids are my life. It has taken me years to finally start understanding what it means to put God first, yes, even before my family. It’s amazing how much more effective I am as a wife and mother when I put God first.

I accepted Christ as my savior at a very young age at Vacation Bible School (VBS) at our local Baptist church. My parents did not regularly attend church but had a strong faith in God and sent us to VBS each year (perhaps this was also a break for our stay at home mom for at least one week of summer vacation?) Although I would have liked to have been a part of a church family growing up, I am incredibly grateful for that one week each summer.

I tried to study my Bible over the years but was mostly on my own to try to make sense of God and these stories that didn’t really make much sense to me. I repented constantly, asked for forgiveness, and accepted Christ as my savior repeatedly, mostly out of a deep fear of hell and the wrath of an angry God. I finally took the step of baptism at the age of 20, but still struggled with my on again off again relationship with God. I really struggled with guilt over some of the decisions I had made and things I had done as a Christian.

What was wrong with me? How could someone with Jesus in her heart do these things and struggle with these sins? And why was it that no matter how hard I tried, I always disappointed the people that I loved. Why was I never enough?

To make a long story short, I went through a really difficult time some years ago when I lost my dad to liver failure while going through a very difficult divorce and also experienced the loss of my grandmother in a very short period of time. Although I said and did things during that time I regret, I am thankful that I learned to lean into God and depend on Him like I never had before. This was the turning point in my relationship with the Lord and when I let myself truly experience forgiveness and redemption for the first time.

Through that time, I developed a strong faith that God uses everything for good to those that love him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I began seeking how I could allow God to use my experiences to help others find the peace that I had found in Christ. For a number of years now, I have been feeling a call to women’s ministry, but waiting for God’s direction.

The deepest cry of my heart has always been “why am I not enough?” I love reading inspirational quotes online. I see beautiful, well meaning memes that tell me I AM enough: pretty enough, smart enough, generous enough, busy enough, fit enough, good enough. They mean well, and they build me up for a minute, but the truth is, I am none of those things and was never meant to be.

I’ve been going through a really difficult season in my life this year. It brought back this question, “Why am I never enough?” rooted so deeply in my heart. No matter how much you know something, study it, believe it, and practice it, there seems to be this moment when your heart finally falls in line. I had that moment while I was praying about this recent hurt and my repeated pattern of blaming myself.

I cried out in prayer, “Why am I never enough?” I clearly heard a voice speak to me, “you were never meant to be.” The truth that finally settled in my heart is “Only God is enough”. Without Him, I am nothing. My creator loves me, cherishes me, and wants a deep, personal relationship with me, just as I am.

There is also a beautiful freedom in knowing that I can stop trying to be everything to the people that I love the most. The most important thing I can do for those I love is to point their hearts and minds to our Heavenly Father, and let God do the rest.

This is the message that God has placed on my heart to share with other women. I want all people to know this love, but I believe as women, we do not do enough to build one another up. My mission is to share with every woman that I can reach that there is love and freedom in Jesus and with Him, and Him alone, we are enough.